04.27am, 12 April 2009, by rite I should b sleeping on my bed n cover with my warm blanket. But then I really can’t close up my eyes, 12 something went to bed, not yet an hour woke up again… 3 something just now woke up till now totally can’t fall in sleep n keep on sweating. Yesterday 11 April 12, 2009 morning I received a call from my ah gu and asking my grandma to hospital and visit my yi poh which is on the unconscious stage and going to pass away anytime. So I accompany grandma to Penang General Hospital to visit my yi poh which is in ICU with tubesss and totally unconscious, peeling skin on foot and palm in low temperature. After 2 hours there, I went back work because we are not allowed to take any leave on weekend. Thanks my supervisor k.Liang for his cooperation, he fined another worker come and replace me, so I can rush back to hospital after 2 hours working there.
Back hospital, my yi poh face is getting peeling and cold; doctor was saying that the blood flow is totally low. One by one… my auntie uncle and cousin all come together, talk to her with full of sadness and dropping tears. 7.30pm, doctor ask we all to go out and he is going to help breathing, doctor went out after 30 minutes of rescuing my yi poh had been certified that she is passed away of the lung infection. Few minutes silence with tears…. My hanky if full of my tears, I want to cried out loud, but I can’t, I like first time saw her cry with full of sadness, my auntie and uncle also cry out silently, so how am I going to cry out loud there? Beloved said I must cry out loud else will get arm siong, thanks beloved… I cry till headache there and ask paracetamol (panadol) to easy my headache, but there is no pain killer to kill my heart pain. Waiting nurse help my yi poh change clothes and pack her, my auntie come and hug me and she was telling me that god will bring my yi poh to heaven and will enjoy there, thanks god… settle the documentation in hospital my grandma was saying that she very tired and want to go home and tomorrow morning only went to my yi poh’s funeral, still have a lot of thing need to settle down.
After crying for 6 hours ++ now I have swollen eyes with light sore... how am I going to work later? Sunglass? Beloved said not funny… okok I know, sorry… so grandma ask me to sleep earlier and tomorrow morning going to woke up earlier and went to the funeral there. But I really can’t, I keep on sweating, my yi poh suffering picture, keep on playing in my mind, I’m sad… but I also scared… I don’t know how to said, but I really scared kind of complicated feeling, I miss her… I love her….
Death is not to be laughed at,
Nor cried at,
Death it is strong,
But will give up,
Death is the soul,
To every living creature,
Death well be in every story,
As life goes on,
Death is more then what we can handle,
But we live to die,
Death well wait,
Till it is yours turn,
Death is now my nightmares,
And in your too,
Do not run from death,
For it well get you worst,
And
Death is forever,
And never.
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